Love- The Lovers

In this episode, Nicole and Rootz discuss The Lovers and how this archetype plays out in our journey here on earth. They cover many shadow topics regarding love, like codependency and how the collective unconscious sent us messages of needing to be “saved” in our relationships when growing up. They also get vulnerable and share the shadow work they did or are still doing in their journey to a healthy, loving relationship.

Recommended book: Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Transcript

0:03

Hi, and welcome back to navigating your story with the taro archetypes. In this episode. Roots and I will be discussing the lovers. And they RQ type of love. For any of you that are new to taro. The lovers card has the number six. And comes after the Hierophant. In the major Arcana. In our discussion roots and I. Cover a lot of shadow topics when it comes to love. Like codependency. And how the collective unconscious. Sent us messages. Of needing to be saved in our relationships. When we were growing up. We get vulnerable and share our own shadow work. That we did or are still doing in our journey. To having a healthy, loving relationship. I hope you find comfort in our personal stories of experiencing the lovers archetype. So pour yourself a cup of tea. Or a glass of wine. As you join us. For our discussion To just jump right in there often when we think of the lovers, it's like, oh my God, this is going to be your perfect companion or whatever. And it was funny that one out of five books actually talked about the connection with the other really? Yeah. Everyone else was talking about the relationship that we have with ourself, with. I think is how I really view the lovers card. we can start there. We can start with self-love. I think self-love is the biggest ingredient to a healthy relationship with someone else. So once you want to start with that. Oh my God. I totally want to attack that one real quick, because when two people are super happy with the lives that they already have, they're able to come together for that sacred union. They're able to individually be happy and joyous and grateful for their experience in a way that's very different than co-dependence Where I need you to help fulfill this part of me, because I don't know how to fulfill this part of me, or even that there's this part of me that needs to be fulfilled that you now manage to take care of. As we become more independent, we actually are then able to be that much better lovers. Did you ever read the Twilight saga? I did. It was a long time ago though. I mean, that was high school. It's a total team story, but I have to admit, she wrote the first book where they first met, instead of writing it through Bella's eye, she wrote it through Edward's eyes. It was like, after all the series was done, she wrote it and I'm listening to it. And I'm thinking about love. I'm like, wow, love and. You're getting your love from a teenager book? No, exactly. So that's my point. When I was growing up there was this old you'll find someone and they will save you one day and you'll be accomplished when you meet this person. Like, they're your savior and, going back to this Twilight story, I mean, yeah, it's super romantic and I do secretly love, listening to it, but it's not healthy. It does create a codependent, foundation. For a lot of people who were raised on that older tradition, there was a lot of unlearning with this codependency. I had to go through that. Absolutely. Well, first of all, I just want to say your secret's safe with me and I and our whole audience. Um, I still secretly read Twilight. We want to have somebody who's going to be able to help save me or help fix me. It's part of the conscious uncoupling of old stories and narratives. Carl Young always talked about the collective unconscious, and it isn't. Old story that we saw in link Disney. It's an old story of how maybe my mom was taught and then passed it down. It's this unconscious society beliefs around love. If you're living in the collective, which we are, there's a little piece of codependency subconsciously in us when we start dating, I mean, look at all the teenage books we read, the person finds them, the person saves them. Yeah, literally our first images of what love is is somebody going and rescuing another person? Not, you know, it's always like somebody with money or I'm thinking of pretty woman immediately. When I say that just to age myself, no, it's like the damsel in distress. She's weak, or she's always clumsy, but she's brave, but like, and beautiful. Can't forget that she's beautiful. You said something damsel in distress that I immediately go to Hercules and. What was her name? Mag mag she was the damsel in distress all the time. And he had to keep coming and rescuing her until the point where it was then being used against him. If you explore that a little bit further, it was like, did he really want to do that? Or was he feeling forced to do it Like she's always getting captured by something. Yeah. Like a monster and needs that brief, strong male figure to save their day. I definitely, when I first started dating, I was, I'm going to put it out there, everyone. I was a codependent data. I was codependent, to be honest until I was 25. And I've talked about before the year of 25. It was a tough year, but like, it honestly was the best year of my life. I did a lot of shadow work and I dug in there. And that was one piece that I really focused on was self-love because codependency, your seeing yourself as not worthy on my own. So therefore I need someone to come fix me. That's your story going into the relationship? So that's what you're going to grow is I'm not worthy. I'm not good on my own. Someone needs to come and fix me. When I addressed that in that year It took me on a whole different path I've had amazing relationships since then. So I guess my question is when we're codependent in a relationship, when we're looking for someone to fix and change us, why is that not healthy? My immediate thought as you're expecting an external relationship to fix your internal world. If you're ever requesting or desiring something externally to make you feel more, whole healthier, complete, that doesn't really work. When you are looking for someone else to come rescue you to come fix you. And you're being that codependent self. It's almost like your trying to please the person that's coming in. And you're not really owning you. Like a chameleon, you're changing yourself for them because you think they're here to, save you. Absolutely. That's dangerous. You can lose yourself when you're going into a relationship going, they're going to change me. They're going to fix me. They're going to help me understand myself better. No, no, no, no, no, no. You need to understand yourself better. And it's a compliment to you. Okay. Yeah. Where do you, what are you. So this leads us directly into the Lilith conversation. Are you ready for that? I am so that's okay. Let's explain my life. Adam and Eve was like the later variation at first it was Adam and Lilith as part of the, the attempt should help procreate or whatever. But Adam being a dominant person tried to make it so that Lilith just kowtowing to him and she wasn't having any. So Lilith in certain things like astrology, she's the component of rage and anger and frustration, but it's the anchor and rage of not being honored fully deeply as her own independent person. If anything, Lilith was cast out because she was strong-willed and wasn't going to take no bullshit. Like, what do you mean you're on top all the time. Like, I like to be on top too. Who do you think you are? You know, and it's like in that moment of recognizing what you want and truly just being like, I'm not taking anybody else's shit that that's when you really start to get what it is you want and desire for yourself.

Litith: 9:56

And I've got a fun story to go along with this later, but we're going to focus in on Lilith right now. So what are your thoughts in regards to the story of Lilith of being a powerful channel for yourself? Powerful woman. I only came across the list a few years ago.

10:14

I only knew the story of atomy and I think I've heard of Lilith, but she was really never talked about. Some of the stigmas are still around, there's something with Lilith where I respect her and I. Appreciate her, but there's a part of me that doesn't speak of her often. That's also a matter of the relationship that you have with her. If somebody was your best friend and you talked to her all the time, you would have no issues talking about it with people because it would be like, oh, well, I think Lilith is awesome. And I work with her all the time. What do you know about, or do you talk to your, it'd be like, you know, the gossip train at school, right. Like, oh my God. Don't talk to her. She doesn't like dress. Right. Okay. What does dressing right. Even mean? You know, it's like sometimes we paint these pictures or we have had these pictures painted for us that we don't even know that we have the stigma. Based on whatever the gossip train was. And the patriarchy, which is a huge thing that she's all about, overthrowing the patriarchy doesn't like strong women. That's why we have, Roe vs. Wade coming back up in the conversation right now. And it's like, I'm sorry, can old white men get out of young women's bodies? I'm so upset. And I'm like, and it's not even my body. I'm upset that other people are having this as even a conversation. And represents that she represents that equality. She represents that strong woman and just that woman, who's going to like, be like, wait, this relationship's going to be equal. And if we can do a full circle going back to codependency Lilla did not want that. It's interesting that Lilith was considered the fallen angel. So, oh, you don't want to be like Lilith, you know? Because of the picture that was painted over yeah, so it makes sense why when we're young and we start dating and for some people it's just going to be their whole life because they never stopped to ask questions. I think asking questions is probably one of the best things we can do in life is to be like, wait, but why I love kids when they're young. And they just learned to talk and they've never been here on earth. They always woke up a why mama, but why, why? And you give them an answer and they go, but why? And they really want to know why. And I think we're in a stage where we're asking why, but some people don't and so they will stay. That collective unconscious of codependent relationship. But when we ask why we start to see some flaws in these stories that we were told and one being about Lilly, and I know back to the levers card, If you look at the weight rider Smith version, the illustration, it does look like the garden of Eden. And a lot of people notice that and say that, you know, you have a woman who's naked and you have a man who's naked and they are in this garden. And the snake is there, which is in the story of, Adam and Eve and how many was like the basis for a lot of people. And do you know the story of Adam and Eve? I know parts of it, but I was never raised fully into Christianity. The story basically was like Adam and Eve and the garden, they find out they find each other connect and they were told, like not to eat the apples from this one particular tree, they could eat it from everything else. And then there's all this blame towards Eve for her listening to the snake, which, for me, the snake is like that intuitive serpent knowledge growth. And she was kind of in her own way, being rebellious of like, I'm going to do what I want, not listen to what somebody else tells me to do. Which is basically why Lilith was cast out because she wasn't going to let herself be caged. Adam was just being a good goody, two shoes, boy, and then listening to what daddy tells him to do. And she's over here. Like I'm feeling inspired to eat this apple right now. Let me go eat this apple and then gave her honey and apple too, because like eat this apple. Good, good. Right. Why are we told not to eat it? Oh, oh, shame. Shame on me. I'm suddenly now I recognize that I'm naked. Oh no, let me cover up my bits. And I'm like, whatever. And then they hid from God once he showed up. But it was like, again, I think that was point now they had natural sin. Now they had an awareness that they did something that they shouldn't have, or, yeah, it was. It was weird scripture to me really is. And it's so interesting because I've been, I always knew of the story and I knew, I know just as much as what you just said, you know, Eve ate the apple, then she sinned and then they weren't comfortable being naked anymore. They had to close themselves and, and all that stuff. Well, it's so fascinating. Good on you for eating the apple. She didn't want to be caged. There was a story I read and women who run with wolves, it was a really cool story. I'll probably put it in the notes for anyone that wants to read that chapter. I'll see if I can find it, but it was about this woman who married a man and had everything she wanted, like everything she wanted. And the guy said to her you can go in any room of this house, everything is yours, but you just cannot go through this one door. You cannot go in the store. And so, you know, she went through the house and she was having fun, but she was curious, she was like, what's in that door. So she got the key and she went to go look. So she opened the door and the door put blood on the key. So he would know that she went in the door and she saw like, kind of gruesome, it's a fable, but she's all like these dead bodies in there and stuff like that. And so she started freaking out and was like, how am I going to hide this from him? How am I going to hide this from him? Well, long story short, her brothers came. He was going to throw her in there and lock her in that room. But her brothers got there in time and like fought him off. She's fine and free, but that's the point she's fine. And free. You could have everything in the world, but when someone tells you, like, you cannot do this, you can not go into this room. You can not have that apple or you can't become a singer. You can't move your house. You're in a relationship with me. You can't talk to anybody else. Like how many times were we were in her life, we're in that relationship. And then they're like, you can't talk to any other girls or boys now you're you're you can only talk to me. I'm like what? Ooh, rose. So whenever you're told you're caged, you're caged. Eve and Adam. We're both be controlled and cage saying you can't have that. And she just said no, but I want to. When we allow another person to dictate any part of our life, we really have to get down to what is our commitment here? What is it that we're doing? Like sometimes yeah, if you hire a coach or a guru or a teacher to help get them to guide you through something, you have committed that you want their type of knowledge. So then you choose to be with what they share and then when you're done, you are still the master of your reality. Now, when we're in relationships, this is the codependency part often. There are no agreements. There are no tenants that are fully agreed upon. Some people stay with that person because that's all they know. And they may not even be. That's just all they know all they know, because they don't have that independence because they were never allowed to have independence and it's easier to stay silent and small than it is to grow and be like, I'm taking care of my life because it's what I want to do for me. Yeah. And there's another part of codependency that I can chat about. There was this piece that I wasn't happy with myself. And so therefore I looked for someone else to make me happy and love myself. Oh my God. You know, that reminds me of something that, will Smith discussed about him and his relationship with Jada. He said, it's not my responsibility to make her happy. It is my responsibility to make me happy. And when we come together, then we get to have fun together because we're already independently happy. And then we get to share what has made us happy over the last couple of days. It doesn't have to be her making me happy cause that doesn't work. I am responsible for my own happiness and like, yeah, you know what, for somebody's birthday, you can totally go all out and try to make it that exciting for them. But it's still their responsibility to find joy that somebody else did something for them. Right. Codependency is also that whole piece of like my cups not filled. And I'm looking for, to you to fill out. And that is not healthy That's all I can say. It's just not a healthy relationship because it does go back to that piece. Like you have to love yourself, you have to take care of yourself. You had to find new your joy and happiness in life and your partner as well. And I guess the way I see healthy love is you come together and if you know who you are and they know who you are and you both get on, like, you both are complimenting one another and it works that's that is love. But I think let's talk about this for a minute roots, I think sometimes do you lost? Most of the time when I experienced the last, it was codependent. And a little bit toxic when I thought lust was love. Like if Les was the only ingredient in the relationship. Love. Cause I didn't know what love was yet. I always thought Les was love and it got a little bit toxic. I don't know. What do you think about that? The difference between less than love? Well, I mean, I think you nailed it, So less is the focus on the physical flesh versus the spiritual, Love especially when we're in a union with somebody. Cause it's like a union with the other half of ourself and as we're choosing to love you both the good parts and the bad parts. Knowing that you will never be the same person day to day today, today. Just like, I will not be the same person day to day to day today. I mean, as a. Predominantly gay man. There's a huge lust culture in homosexuality, whether that's one of the hookup apps or it's the bar culture, there doesn't really seem to be a lot of love because it's also not something that's ever talked about. I mean, we have what Brokeback mountain, that's the closest, real big love movie that I can think of gay culture. I mean, there's probably more, and there's definitely better movies that are like Indi. I can think of a couple of French classics. Frank has done a few good game movies. Yeah. But other than that, you're right. The Brokeback mountain is probably like the last one maybe. Yeah. I mean, and that's crazy. Cause I came out when I was in a. Sorry in high school, high school. Yeah. I think it was in high school. It was high school, so, oh yeah. Okay. And then there was the, there was the, Schitt's Creek that, that has, that was beautiful. That was beautiful. I, I love it. I still love the song that he sang to David. My God. I really that's just so beautiful. Okay, so you mentioned some stuff that I want to play off of when you said love is when we love someone fully. So it's accepting someone fully the good and the bad, the perfection in perfection. Just everything about that person, on a spiritual level, we love them. And less from what you were saying focuses really a lot on just the good and it focuses a lot on the physical and we're doing another full circle. Remember we said that the biggest ingredient to a healthy relationship is self-love well, if you don't love the good and the bad of who you are, it's going to be very hard for someone else to show up and give, oh my God. I think we just got to something. It's going to be someone else to show up in, give you that love because okay. Roots I'm onto something for a minute, right? No, go for it. Get it kidding. Okay. It's going to be hard for someone else to show up and give you that love. If you don't love the good and bad of who you are. And so therefore, if you don't love the good and bad of who you are and your lurking for an external person to love the good and bad of who you are, but you don't love the bad parts of you, then guess what? I'm going to just put a label on that relationship coat dependent and unhealthy because we've described that. A healthy relationship, actual love not lost because that co-dependent relationship where you love the good of you and not the bad of you. You're probably going to experience some less than that relationship. And that's going to be fun loss. There's a lot of fucking fun, but it's unhealthy. It's not long-term and it's, it's cold dependent. When you do the work and start really loving yourself, the good and the bad, like you have love for that shadow side of you and those imperfections thing, you show up showing this is me. And then if you're showing, I love myself, you're going to then find the universe will deliver someone who will go. And I love all of you too. It goes back to remember, like they, that saying like, say like I shaved my head, right. I might be like, oh my God, I shaved my head. Like my hair is everything to me. And I go to school now we're back in high school. Right. And I'm all insecure that my hair has been gone and I've shaved it. If I act insecure, that's how people are going to respond to me. If you walk in with that shaved head and you're like, I love it. And you own it. Other people then accept and own it too. What is the same? There's a phrase for that. If you own it, other people will own it. What is the phrase roots? Do you him talking about, I know the energetics of what you're saying and it's like, um, it's uh, oh God, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's coming to me. It's an agreement based reality. So if, if you say that my hair is ugly, other people can be like, well, some people might be like, oh my God, no, it's fine. And you'd be like, no, it's ugly. And they're gonna be like, okay, it's ugly. That's an agreement based reality.'cause I totally get that. Cause it's like, you know, if, if you, if you're already in the head space of, you know, let's just go to the haircut that this haircut is amazing. It looks great. More people are likely going to be able to be like, yeah, I love your hair. It looks great. And they're going to agree with you about it. Because if you're okay with it, everyone else will be okay with it. It's the weirdest thing. I think we set the tone, we set the tone for how we want to be treated. So yeah. Oh, there you go. That's a bombshell right there. Okay. We set the tone for how others are able to treat us. There's this conversation that I've been having about like boundaries and dynamics with people. Within our relationships, if we're talking about, Hey, this works for me and this doesn't now your partner gets to recognize, well, does that work for me? Does that new thing worked for me? Or say for instance, you really like the toothbrushes put back in the same spot. can you respect the fact that this matters to this person? And it doesn't matter to me or what if I've really liked my toothbrush here and your OCD is having it here. Well then, then that's where a compromise comes into play or separation. If that's a toothbrush has to be right here or I'm upset, then like that's something or that yeah. They'll have to compromise on it or, you know, right. The toothpaste or toothbrush could be everything from, how we cook dinner, how we clean up the dishes to the don't hit me, I mean, I said toothbrush because it was a simple, soft analogy, but it could literally reach into everything and you get to discover for yourself. Do you like it in this way or that way, or how everything works? Each one of us gets to really and code it So step us through your journey with blast in your life. How has lost to showed up for you and are you now trying to look more for love? Yeah, I mean, I've definitely experienced a lot of lust of just like physical engagements. So this is the other. Okay. So, funnily enough, this week, you know, lover's week, of course, I got to experience a variety of lovers and yeah. Honestly, go from nobody to like a bunch of different connections but it was experiencing myself in the physical lust, what I liked, what I didn't like, what worked for me, what didn't work for me physically. There was also these moments when I was able to really energetically connect with people and that's what I like. The energetics I was actually more attracted to than anything. There was this interesting dialing in with certain people when they run certain substances that I'm like, oh, okay, well maybe that isn't a thing that I need to keep pushing away. And maybe it is, I don't know. I'm still on my full server journey. I'm waiting at least until the 25th, when I'm a full year before I engage with anything, like I am no drinking, smoking, toking, any psychedelics, like it's been, it's been a very interesting trip for me. It will be a year when, what month will it be this month, this month or the 25th? I was able to recognize yesterday with my friend who, and we just shared this yesterday, so I'll share it as well because, Cinco de Mayo, last year, I got really drunk. Like tequila is one of my favorite things to drink and I can just pound it like nobody's business. And as a result, I got blackout drunk. I was belligerent and I was really, really rude to my friend and I didn't really remember it. So when I came to and I recognize, holy shit, I'm a Dick. I had to then recognize and own that and be responsible for how I left my first. That's part of actually owning your shit and loving yourself is owning when you're a Dick owning, when things aren't going well. And it was a responsibility that you had in being caused in the matter. He finally, I think saw me with a line of respect yesterday because he got to see how I am as a being now that's totally different than who he met me as. Because he met me at a stage where I was drinking, smoking, super anxious, very upset all the time. And now I'm just like, I'm chill. I love everybody. And I take a lot more time for self care and self reflection and just working on myself and. You know, it was just really fascinating. The, everybody was just like, you know, they're having a party. It was a good time for them and partying for them, bent, doing substances because you know, life has meant to be enjoyed. It's just the matter for me of like a beer or a drink in the past has always meant that it was time to drink more and more and then more. And it's like, you know, there's a saying within AA, it's like, you can't just have one and be done. It's you have one and then the next week. Oh, well now it's okay. I can handle myself. I can have two. Oh, okay. I had to, I was really good. No worries. I can have four and then it just, and so I've just completely cold Turkey it all. And you know, so actually let's talk about that piece when it comes to less. You've made a lot of shifts for yourself. Do you feel like the shifts cause when we're codependent, we're looking for an external solution to an internal problem. And you were saying like your pattern up until like a year from now was like, you know, getting drunk and doing all that stuff. And now you're in a place where you've really addressed your drinking and your substance use, and you've been sober for a year. Has that changed? What type of love you're looking for. I've just started to actually recognize what love can be. Like, what lust was, was just another form of addiction is another form of addiction? There are people that are, you know, nymphomaniacs they're sex addicts and, you know, a large part of that is because they're wanting the dopamine release that happens as a result of connecting with somebody physically. I can totally admit that there's a huge part of my persona that is attached to that. I'm unraveling that now, so to speak. As a result, my relationships, my friendships, I have so many new friendships that are completely different than what I would have thought was possible years ago. And there are some I'm sure for you. And it happened to me when I was making changes in my life. You and your son, friendships that go away too. Yeah. There's friendships. As you make change, you were not on the death card yet, but what happens is there is a death because your changing and you're letting what no longer serves you die. And it then leaves room for new. And sometimes relationships do die with that. And then what's interesting as well is that they then pop up later on and you're able to see, do I really want that? Do I miss that? Do I really want to cycle further into that? Just like a weed in the garden and sometimes it'll pop right back up. I remember this one time after I had just broken up with one of my partners, I went back to the bar and it was like every single person I had ever dated was at the bar that night. And you know, I'd usually go to the bar and it was totally chill. It was just there. And I'd have a good time with myself or whoever my friends at the time were, but this night it was like every time I turned the corner, it was one of my exes who wanted to have the most long conversation with. And, it was interesting. Cause I remember thinking like what the flux is going on tonight. Like I'm being reminded of all my exes, I'm literally being tested cause I'm like, wow, that was a fun time. That was a fun time. And right now I'm reflective that all of my past relationships have been in the basis of lust and not really in the basis of love because at those time periods, I didn't love myself. So I think we covered, we covered co-defendants the crazy part. Yeah. What we have yet to talk about what taro or what it looks like when the taro card comes up. I think for like an hour and a half in, right? Yeah. We're almost like an hour and a half and we've not talked about what it means when taro shows up or what yeah. What the levers for it looks like when it shows up. Right. Okay. We covered a lot of stuff. We covered codependency, we covered, Lilit we covered the garden, eating and how you have to be free in any relationship, but that's how used to be free. We covered how you went to love yourself. I think that's a huge key that like codependency you're missing self-love and. And to have a healthy, loving relationship. You actually have to love yourself first. And now we're going to talk about the lovers card in taro. What? So, I'll go first. So when this card shows up for me if it's upright, it really speaks to harmony. For me, it speaks to harmony. They're both naked. It speaks to that whole piece of like, I have nothing to hide. This is who I am and there is harmony here. It also can represent if we go back to the garden of Eden, which the illustration on the wait Smith ride. DEC does look a lot like the garden of Eden. It can represent choices because in that story that we shared earlier, the garden of Eden, there was choices to be made and, Adam and Eve made different choices. So sometimes when the lovers card shows up, this could be a time where you have to make some choices. If it is reversed, it shows disharmony maybe there's codependency there. But it's not an equal relationship. It's not, harmonized, I said harmony so much roots. What does it mean for you? When lover shows up, it is a great time to really explore. What are you passionate about in your life? It's not necessarily so much about you finding love. It's a matter of you loving what is inside you so much that it is then starting to externally materialize. I'm looking at the lovers card as if you were on the fool's journey and you meet the lovers, and then you see these two people in front of you who then represent the divine masculine and the divine feminine. If you witness how they're talking with each other, are they loving? Are they compassionate? Are they supportive? Are they working together? Are they harmonizing or are they in fact actually, attacking each other, being vicious? Are they. You know, malicious towards one another. That's the frequency I see with, the lovers cards, is just looking at them as if they are truly the teachers. That's the fullest journey. They are the teachers of that particular waystation yeah, that's what it means to me. Cool. What is advice that we would give someone to finding a healthy, loving relationship if they are looking to embody the lovers or they're looking to bring love into their life? Well, I mean, that's a great question. I had the answer to that? I wouldn't be single. If I was to. Examine this from an external perspective, it would be the, are you truly engaged with what you love and finding other people who meet those areas within yourself Like, the types of goal setting dreams, desires that are in alignment with one another so you create something more meaningful and engaging together. Being wary of, is this a less situation or is this a actual, romantic connection with another? Yeah. Okay. I have some good tips. So my first. In my journey with love, I was in relationships since high school, but they never really lasted. I don't think I dated someone for like a full year ever until I met Steve who's. Now my husband. And back to what I mentioned earlier, the biggest reason for that was I actually was very codependent. I was looking for someone to fix me and to fill up my cup. So my first piece of advice is get clear on yourself. Look at yourself and ask yourself, am I looking for this person to change, fix or heal me or save me or even if you don't have a boyfriend, girlfriend, yeah. If you're looking for someone, ask yourself, what are my intentions for this? Is it for them to come rescue me? And if that's what it is, then that's just showing you that you need a pause and you need to do a lot of internal work. Cause that's what I had to do the year 25 was the year of, it was the year of me. It was the year of me taking care of myself. I got into counseling and I did a lot of work. I saw Reiki, intuitive coach. It was just, I had to heal this peace that I felt that someone could make me happy and that I wasn't making myself happy. Here's the next piece, if you answer yes. To that first question. And you're like, okay, well, what do I do. Like I'm realizing I'm actually looking for someone to save me. I'm actually looking for someone to come fix me. The next piece is you need to have some alone time and ask yourself why in life are you unhappy? It might have nothing to even do with love. That's the crazy thing. A lot of them, the universe is really a mirror to us. And so when you see people popping up in your life, it's just the really mirroring you. So now you got to go, well, why am I unhappy? Why am I unsatisfied with life? Maybe there's some wounds there or some healing that really needs to be addressed. A job change. Maybe you finally address the anxiety or depression that you've been experiencing for a really long time. Maybe, you know, you. I have to have boundaries and you're in a place where you're not using boundaries. There's so many reasons why you could be unhappy. That is your first place to start. The journey in finding love is figuring out why you're unhappy because the person's not going to fix it for you. For me, what I realized is I wasn't living life so well. I was living life. I mean, if you saw me, I was happy. I was like, oh, Hey, like I was having a good time, but okay. When I'm going to get real for a minute, when I was being codependent and relationships were really mirroring things to me that I had not healed or addressed. I was trying to live and find love that someone else had. I was really okay. Let me rephrase that. I was trying to live in someone else's shoes. So my mom and dad met each other really young, my sister and my brother-in-law. They met each other at their last year in college. Both my mom and my sister and her husband and my dad. They had a very similar relationship and, you know, found each other young and then, got married and stuff like that. And that was what I was shown. And so that was what I thought my path had to be. The universe had a different path for me. So when I kept following that path of what my mom's way of love worked for her and what my sister's way of loved worked for her, I kept getting knocked off the fucking horse because that wasn't the type of love that worked for me. And so that's my next. Get clear on, if you are trying to find love the way someone else did, or you're trying to find someone that worked for someone else, that's really not going to work for you. I love my dad. He's an amazing guy. And he knows that. So he would never feel bad if I ever said this out loud, but him and I can never marry each other. You know how they say, oh, you marry your father. If you're a woman and stuff, we could have never married each other. And for really long time, that's kind of subconsciously what I was looking for. And then when I did this whole work on myself, I realized that I'm actually really different person and my life. And my journey of love is so different and still till today. Like my mom and dad are in a relationship. And her husband a relationship I'm in one and me and my husband, we have a completely different language of love than the other two. All his beautiful love has many languages. It's just what language fits you. Then my next advice is start doing things that you liked doing. And roots mentioned that like, if you like going to yoga or you like climbing rocks, at a rock gym or you're into like five music, go there, do you interest as you're doing you, you're on your path. That person that's right for you is going to absolutely show up. And then here's my next piece for healthy relationship. If you get to this journey where you now love all parts of who you are, And you find that person and they show up, allow yourself to be vulnerable, set the foundation for trust. And you have a really beautiful garden that will grow very beautiful flowers, because I also think a key to a healthy relationship back to Bernay brown is vulnerability. And if you can be vulnerable in front of someone and they love you and they go, wow, thanks for sharing that. Then you're in a healthy place. And if you go to be vulnerable or you notice red flags with someone and it's not going so well, walk away, walk away because you're then making room for that person who you will be able to be vulnerable with. And if you can be vulnerable, you have a beautiful trusting Foundry. And that is what worked for me. Wow. Yeah. That was really amazing. And there's just so many great nuggets out of that because it's so true. Like as you're able and willing to be vulnerable, you then start to be more mindful about what seeds are you planting your garden. You'll start to recognize the weeds and the things that aren't serving your garden as much. And weeds would be like the bad thoughts, right. Or the, the, oh, it's great. It's great that you shared everything, but I don't really care like red flags. Right? It's you're able to then recognize them because you're tending to your garden. You're being vulnerable. You're being authentic. You're authentically relating and sharing yourself in a way. Of course, your Guardian's going to be beautiful What a great note to end really good notes. So what is the next, what's the card after that? Chariot. Okay. Yeah. Deciding where we're going to go. Not even deciding, but choosing to go where we want to go, which is powerful connection after really being present to being authentic with yourself about what you love to do. This is now, do you let yourself sear or do you have somebody else here for you all about that? It's all about, are you steering your chariot or car. So I got to tell you I was driving to my grandma's today and my dad had mentioned, wow. Everyone's feels they have to come out, share their story and like really label themselves. And um, and I was like, yeah, yeah, they do. He's like, cause back in my day, you just kept things to yourself and it's like, whatever, like, no. Shared their stories. And I started thinking about that and I do know we're in a generation where we are going Hey, I have OCD. Hey, I'm gay. Hey, I'm, transgender or Hey, I'm poly or, Hey, I'm begin nowhere. Hey, like, we're all going like, Hey, this is me. And, and you know, I do think sometimes we can overly label ourselves, which can get a little too confusing. But I also believe that we're in a place where we're all just going like, Hey, this is me. And we're doing that because we're allowing other people to then come out and go, oh my God, me too. There's a beautiful part to that, which is we're all going Hey, you're not alone. Me too. Me too. That's the most needed thing. Anything that we could ever dream of. We're not the first person to dream of it. And in fact, there's probably somebody who's already written a book about it. Being authentic with what's there for us in this moment allows for true growth to really happen. I mean, even as I'm exploring, being gay, I'm actually experiencing and exploring why I have the sensations of being. It's not just because, of the types of engagements that I like to have, although that is definitely a part of it. It's also just recognizing is this because I'm rebellious or was it just because I didn't really have a dad growing up and I've always just wanted male attention. And just being truthful with what is so. That's the beautiful part is like everyone's reason for who they are and where they are in their journey. It might not be someone else's reason, but back to this whole podcast is it's all about your story. Yeah. And you being who you want to be, because that's who you want to be. Thank you for listening to our episode. We hope that it was healing in brought you an understanding. Of the levers archetype in taro. Here are some takeaway questions. To ask yourself so you can relate this to your personal story. What were the messages and stories you were told about love? And finding a partner in this lifetime. Are they old, outdated stories that need to be changed. If you are honest with yourself. Are you in a place where you are looking for someone else to fix or save you? If so ask yourself. Why am I unhappy that I need to be saved? Can you be brave enough? To find that happiness. On your own. If you like our podcast. Please like us or write a review. Both roots and I are taro readers. So, if you're interested in working with me, You can find my offerings@wildandfreehealing.com. Or follow me on Instagram. At wild and free. Healing. If you are interested in working with roots, check out his website at roots in flax. DOT's square.site. Or follow him on instagram at Present moment alignment We also belong to the taro and t collective Next episode we will continue our journey through the major arcana And discuss the chariot And the archetype of Being in the trivers seat of your life Take care of everyone Bye